🤯December 14th
"Signs after contact include pain/distress, salivation, vomiting, difficulty breathing, trembling"
Your weekly fix of NZ trail running news
We’re here for you, like the 6 PM news. Desperatetly searching and scraping the barrel to find anything NZ trail running related to keep your attention on a slow news week.
Here's what’s in the drop bag this week:
🤯December 14th … WTF
🎯Things You May Have Missed
📰SK News Desk
🥳July Paid Subscriber Giveaway
😫Worst Run Ever
🏁Upcoming events:
⛰️💊Mountain Skag of The Week
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December 14th … WTF
How the f🤬ck did we end up in this situation?
4 South Island events (The WILD, Crush The Cargill, The Spectacle & The Valley Ultra) all on the same weekend.
It’s like having The Foo Fighters, The Rolling Stones, Taylor Swift, and Bob Dylan perform on the same weekend (I’ll let you decide whos who😝). It just shouldn’t happen. But somehow … it has.
I understand that the first quarter of the year is also pretty chocker in the South, but you gotta treat it like marmite. Spread it out a little. I’m sure a decent number of people would run at least 2/4 of the events if they were just a few weeks apart. I know there’s always something on, and there’s no perfect weekend … it just seems a little ill-thought-out.
The result? A battle for your credit card.
Mal Law is on a length of the country pub crawl signing up tipsy trail runners. The Spectacle has linked up with the country's top-rated substack newsletter Dirt Church Radio. The Crush The Cargill memes department is firing on all cylinders, and The Valley Ultra … are clearly confident and secure in their race as they just be chillin’.
Since we are in a bit of a lull with local races and UTMB is still six weeks away, I thought it would be a good time to take a look at what each event has to offer (with some general mind vomit) for anyone who’s got the fence firmly up their jacksy😫.
Now, it’s important to note that this newsletter's biggest donor is the Crush The Cargill marketing department. However, I will do my best to keep this thing balanced.
Valley Ultra
Set in the Craigieburn Valley west of Christchurch, the Valley Ultra allows runners to race in some of Canterbury’s most challenging terrain, just over an hour's drive from our second-largest city.
There are 3 races on offer, all weirdly pig-related.
The Whole Hog:📏54km | 👆2500m | 💰$279
The Piglet:📏24km | 👆1000m | 💰$169
The Teacup:📏10km | 👆460m | 💰$79
It’s got all the ingredients to be a bucket list event.
Native beech forest
Tussock grasslands
Technical trails
Stream crossings
Mountain peaks
Unfortunately, like most 10/10 hotties, Mrs. Piggy comes with some baggage.
In the three years The Valley Ultra ran under the now-defunct Fusion Events (2019,20,21), weather issues forced several course changes and generally hampered the event. (I’m sure one year it ran on the D course.)
Last year was the first year under new management, and things got off to a great start, with racing occurring on the A course. If they get a bit of luck and get to run the A course 3 or 4 years in a row, the stock of the Valley Ultra will rise dramatically.
Who this race might appeal to:
You’ve always wanted to visit the Craigieburn Range, but you know you’ll never come down and give it the full deluxe treatment it deserves. You can bag & tag this one and satisfy your curiosity of what the Craigieburn is like.
The Whole Hog would also make a great big day just under a month out for anyone running the 100K Aotearoa Ultramarathon or The James.
Pros:
Great scenery
Technical terrain
Supported run in an area where you usually need to carry a lot of sh💩t
Cons:
The best terrain always has the most changeable weather. I feel the chances of having an ‘A’ course here must sit around 50 percent. It’s just the nature of the range. The wind is constantly blowing its tits off, which usually results in course changes.
You’ll either need to hitch a ride or rent a car in Christchurch if you plan to fly.
The Wild
Based in Arrowtown, New Zealand’s most highly anticipated trail running event finally got off the ground last year. After years of planning, ownership changes, and more drama than Love Island, we finally saw Mal Law’s vision come to life.
Well, kind of. Forecast galeforce winds meant a late change to the jewel in the crown; the V5000 ended up on the dreaded B course—no Vanguard peak … no X factor.
Reports from the ground were that the event itself was well organized and an “EPIC” time was still had by many. It was a successful first year, with plenty to build on.
Here is the current offering for The Wild:
Beast of Beetham:📏9KM | 👆550M | 💰$54
Beast of Brow:📏11KM | 👆1050M | 💰$109
V5000:📏85KM | 👆3900M | 💰$459
V3000:📏64KM | 👆3000M | 💰$419
V1600:📏30KM | 👆1600M | 💰$219
Who this race might appeal to:
Anybody from the North Island🤣. Let’s face it. We’ve got some great trails and wilderness areas in the North, but if you follow a lot of South Island runners, scrolling Strava and Instagram on a Sunday night is a dangerous practice. You can end up with permanent Sunday blues.
Pros:
Incredible scenery with the wilderness X factor
Big long climbs and descents
The event is spread across the week so that you can race and support.
It’s not hard to convince the family to take a trip to Arrowtown/Queenstown
Cons:
The Arrowtown/Queenstown area is challenging to do on a budget
I asked founder Mal Law to give his 30-second elevator pitch to anyone on the fence; here’s what he had to say
“The WILD is a not-for-profit grass roots event organised by a small, passionate team of trustees with some 150 years of trail running and event experience behind us.
“Using our vast experience we have created an unparalleled event for adventurous trail runners that makes the most of the awesome network of trails - and stunning views - around beautiful historic Arrowtown. The WILD is a destination event that 80% of runners who did the inaugural edition last year described as ‘awesome’.”
“What’s more, all proceeds go towards the Trust’s native habitat restoration projects around the various courses, so by taking part runners have the satisfaction of knowing they are giving nature a helping hand and improving the trail experience for all that follow in their footsteps.”
Mal Law
The Spectacle
It’s the new kid on the block. Well, it’s not even on the block yet. We are still waiting for little baby Speccy to be born.
Mum is a track athlete, and Dad is an Ultramarathon grinder. This could go one of two ways: a child with track speed who dominates the trails or someone who eats all the food and can only run as far as the track.
I digress. On December 14th, Nelson will host the Spectacle, a road and trail running event. This caught my attention instantly, mainly because I’ve always thought it strange that Nelson didn’t already have a large-scale trail event like this.
But something irked me (apart from the name, that’s a given). I think it’s the branding. It’s so … so … straight down the middle? In the trail circles, we are used to things being a little worn on the edges and a little thrown together. Things tend to have a little flavour.
All that aside, here’s what’s on offer for the trail running side of the event: (because I don’t give a flying f🤬ck about the other stuff, unless they chuck a beer mile in for the lols)
📏10KM | 👆337M | 💰$85
📏21.1KM | 👆1181M | 💰$175
📏50KM | 👆2308M | 💰$320
📏100KM | 👆5351M | 💰$520
📏100Miles | 👆8877M | 💰$795
Who this race might appeal to:
Anyone who loves runnable terrain AND you’re a vert addict. This one could be for you. Just look at those Vert to KM ratios🤤.
Also, if you are working your way towards qualifying to run UTMB, the 100miler starts at 6 PM Friday, which would give you a great chance to replicate your race plan with a similar starting time.
Pros:
Great runnable terrain but also a stack of vert.
This is purely my gut instinct based on my minimal knowledge of the course (yes, I know there’s a spot literally called Windy Point), but it feels like the 100k and 100-mile courses will have a higher tolerance for weather than many other races around the country.
Nelson is a great place to take the family. They can chill out at the beach, go kayaking, visit Golden Bay, and pretty much do anything else but chase you around all day, telling you how amazing you’re doing and that you’ll probably chase down 200th place in the next hour.
Cons:
There always has to be a first one. And thanks to the team at Fusion Events, we are all a bit more sensitive to them. But remember, Faultline Ultra came to life this year. It can be done, 9/10 times the event goes ahead and you get to be part of something special. There can only be one first-time (insert your own joke here)
The 100-mile course is made up of 2 loops with a shared section. It's not a major, but it's something to be aware of.
Here’s what The Spectacle would tell you if you were both heading to the Physio on level 6:
“This isn’t just another trail race, it’s a Spectacle. The vision is simple - to unite the adventure of trail running with the high-octane energy of road racing, to create a unique running festival unlike the world has never seen before.”
“With trail events from the 10km to the 100 mile and pretty much everything in-between, there’s a race for those just starting to fall in love with trail running, all the way through to those looking for the ultimate challenge - the miler.”
“Sure, we’re new to the trail running scene, but with more vert than you can shake a stick at (8900m for the miler), single-track to die for, and breath-taking views, The Spectacle will make you want to come back year after year.”
“And with the chance to witness Olympians going head to head on the streets of Nelson in the road mile, what better way to end a weekend celebration of running.”
Crush The Cargill
I didn’t realize that Crush The Cargill was actually a race until my mate headed down to run the thing.
“Wait, what? It’s not just a meme account?”
So, in case you’re like me, just like Crush The Cargill, I’m recycling some of the same old content.
What is Crush The Cargill?
“It’s simply the hardest, toughest, meanest, most EPIC, super duper trail event in the universe.”
Right… but like, what do you actually do?
“You run as many laps up and down Mt.Cargill (Dunedin) as you can in 24 hours.”
“Do 1 lap to celebrate our wonderful
mountainhill, or go for broke and aim for a new world record (currently sitting at 18 laps).”“The winner gets to take home the Cargill Twig for the year – the largest trophy in the world of running.”
Tell us about the new 100-mile race you added last year. Is that some kind of EPIC point-to-point race taking in Dunedin's best trails and sights?
“Kinda. It is EPIC. But in an EPIC brewery gone into liquidatin kind of way. What we’ve done is taken the same coure as the 24hour challenge and added an extra 12 hours. Why change a winning formula?
The best part? You start 10pm Friday night so the first 7 hours are in the dark.”“To earn the worlds heaviest miler buckle you’ll have to complete, 19 laps in 36 hours (161km) with 10,830m of vert.”
Who this race might appeal to:
David Goggin wannabes who love to do repetitive sh💩t and “carry the boats” or, as this group did last year, carry the fridge?
Pros:
You run up Mt.Cargill
Cons:
You run up Mt.Cargill
I asked Steve Tripp why Crush The Cargill should be your drug of choice come December 14th:
“Only 1 event has successfully organised a 100miler in NZ on the 2nd weekend in Dec.”
“CtC has the most experience in general. Been going longer. Never canceled. Never resorted to B course. Never gone bust.”
If this pitch has put you over the edge, The Hilton on Castle St is still available and is a nice, quiet place to stay pre-race.
Hopefully, if you were on the fence, this has helped you decide. Either way, I don’t think you can go too far wrong with either of the four events.
Things You May Have Missed
Will Cass announced the launch of Run Poneke, Wellington’s brand new running hub, located between Waitangi Park and the Waterfront.
I asked Will to describe Run Poneke in a couple of sentences.
"It's like a gym, we just forgot to buy the gym equipment so you have to go running instead." 😂Check out https://runponeke.nz/ for more information.
Check out Kiwi legend Hazel Harrison finishing the High Lonesome 100-mile race in Colorado in style. Amazing performance💪. That looks like one tough race.
Last weekend, Katie Wright was back in racing action, taking 4th place in the 55KM race at the Grantrail Courmayeur Ultra😎.
Are you wondering who Sam Rout, the recent winner of the WUU2K, is? Have a listen to the latest Run Adjacent podcast, where he talks about his recent victories and what’s up next.
SK News Desk
The Season is never over.
Brion Matthews of the South headed to the flatlands of Palmerston North to visit his sister and newly-born niece. He packed his mountain beard and shoes in case he could sneak away for a cheeky SK Valleys.
The stars aligned, an early afternoon drop-off to Putara was organised, and it was game on.
Looking nice and relaxed despite the 250 odd KM’s in his legs from KMBU 2 weeks prior
In full adventure mode on the Ruamahanga. He even remembered to put his phone on beauty filter mode.
With a 1 PM start, it would have been a long, muddy night.
Job done in 22h15m. Amazing effort, especially if you consider the start time, the 250 off KM’s in the legs and with 0 familiarity with the route.
I was very relieved to get this message from Brion when he was out. I was worried he may not have got the true experience
1pm. Very last minute, and a big rush finding gear. Good backyard training
Ate shit countless times leading into Atiwhakatu. The best one was banging shins on a branch, spread eagle trip forward, face fully in muddy puddle, then an awesome forward flip onto my back.
I've got some pics. Not many. It was dark for quite some time. Wasted a good hour faffing around with wrong tracks/ off track.
The appetite has been wet. His eyes have shifted to the main range. He needs another excuse to visit. No pressure, sis!
July Paid Subscriber Giveaway
This month, 5x Lucky Paid Subscribers will win a Roam Energy Protein Powder & Nut Butter Bundle.
Like last month with the Maurteen Gels, I’d be keen to get the winners to do a mini-review that I can share.
There are so many products on the market that it’s hard to know what to believe online. I’ve had the pleasure of testing Roam over the last couple of weeks, but I’m just one man’s opinion!
How can you get your mits on one of these packs?
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Worst Run Ever
This week’s Worst Run Ever gave me some severe PTSD. I still remember my first run-in with Ongaonga. It was during the 2nd day of the A100, AKA the Aorangi Undulator. That sh💩t is naaaaaaasty.
“The rain hadn't let up since I arrived in the carpark. I'd already kicked several rocks and had admitted defeat and checked Topomaps three times already, but the fourth check was imminent.”
“It had been a few minutes since I'd seen any triangles, and the faint footpad I was following must have been from others making the same mistake. Out came the phone. Sure enough, I had missed a turn up onto the ridge.”
“Instead of retracing my steps, I decided to take a “shortcut.” Channeling my inner Pythagoras, I aimed to cut straight up the bank to rejoin the trail. First mistake.”
“My feet slipped out beneath me as I struggled up the steep, slippery slope. I grabbed the nearest thing I could with both hands. Later, I would learn what I grabbed was Ongaonga nettle.”
“Instantly, my hands felt like they were on fire while getting a tattoo. I pulled out my phone. Bugger, no coverage. I had no idea how poisonous this plant was or if I had just got myself into a serious situation.”
“I poured water over my hands, hoping for relief, but it didn't help. Assessing the sitch, I realized I was probably over halfway on the loop, so I pressed on. Reaching the top of the ridge, I was back in coverage, and a quick Google had me touching cloth.”
"Signs after contact include pain/distress, salivation, vomiting, difficulty breathing, trembling or seizures, incoordination, weakness, collapse."
“My hands were sore, but I felt otherwise okay. Maybe you had to literally roll around naked in the stuff for the worst symptoms to occur? I spent the next hour trying to figure out if I was puffing cause I was running or I was short of breath.”
“By the time I got back to my car, I was trying to figure out if I was ‘salivating’ or I just had the normal amount of spit in my mouth while running. I called my friend Kate, an expert in all things hardcore. Surely, she had encountered Ongaonga before.”
“She laughed and reassured me,
"You’ll be sweet. It only feels bad for the first week, then it’s more of a tickle."
“Her words didn't do much to calm my nerves. I pulled into my drive and re-read the symptoms list. That’s when I read the line”
“but it is also toxic to dogs if licked or ingested.”
“Then, I noticed the website name I had been reading: Vet Services Hawkes Bay.”
“LOL. Maybe Kate was right. It turns out I wasn’t going to die, even though my hands felt like they were.”
“It all turned out okay, but running back to the car for that hour, second-guessing every bodily function, was my Worst Run Ever.”
Sarah H
Keep the stories coming in! Send them to trailrunningnz@gmail.com
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#Mountain Skag Pic Of The Week
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Tag @trailrunning.nz (NOTE THE “.”) and use #mountainskag. DM on Instagram or email trailrunningnz@gmail.com to enter (email is the most reliable method).
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We will be back next week with more trail-running news, yarns, and glory.
It takes hours to write this newsletter but only 8 seconds to forward it to a friend.
PS. Did you enjoy this week's non-news newsletter, or would you prefer a much shorter one if there are no races?
A lot to unpack this week. “Taylor Swift” is the reason I cannot get to The Wild, poor excuse this year and worlds for “Taylor” is the following week but the Revenant has all my attention.
Brion is a beast. Enough sad.
Pacered Hazel for the back end 60 of Fault line. What a stubborn human she is.
Andy gets into Badwater tomorrow with a heat wave coming.
Another great read mate.
I LOVE NUTS