📰The Week That Was
"I must have looked desperate to go because I just spent a couple of minutes pulling at the door.”
Your weekly fix of NZ trail running news
We’re here for you, like the chunks of chocolate in your trail mix. A bit of excitement in amongst all the other boring sh💩t.
Here's what’s in the drop bag this week:
🟠Fake News
📰International Results Desk
🔱Tarawera On Point
🥔Capital Mash Up
🤣NZ Trail Running Meme Account
🥳July Paid Subscriber Giveaway
🗝️Worst Run Ever
🏁Upcoming events: Meridian Hydro Half & Summit Forests
⛰️💊Mountain Skag of The Week
Note: Due to the length, some email browsers will hide some of the content - make sure you click ‘view entire email’ or click through to substack.
Fake News
After last week's panicked ‘sh💩t, I’ve gotta make something up to talk about’ edition; it is no surprise that I only got 1/3 of things correct.
Firstly, I would like to apologise to all the Nelsonites I offended.
I described the trails at The Spectacle as ‘runnable.’
For that, I am truly sorry. I want to set the record straight.
Your trails are gnarly, unkept, unruly, wild MFs who will snap your ankle given half a chance.
Apparently, the miler is going to be tougher than Northburn🤔.
Shots fired.
I guess all will be revealed on December 14th.
Secondly, a small correction to last week’s description of The Valley Ultra.
The new course under current ownership is much different from the never-raced ‘A’ course from the original. My comments about the low chances of running the ‘A’ course are about as substantiated as anything else you see on the internet.
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International Results Desk
Robyn Lesh ‘Is More’ stomped the 28KM Speedgoat in Tahoe last weekend (19th July) to take the VICTORY and give the top blokes a hurry up down the hill, finishing 8th overall. F🤬ck Yeah!
We had 3 Kiwis in action at Montee du Nid d'Aigle last weekend (20th July), a 20km mountain race in the heart of the French Alps.
💪Nancy Jiang - 2:29:53 -10th
💪Sarah Douglas - 2:47:41 - 24th(3rd in 40-49)
💪Michael Sutton - 2:06:32 - 16thHere’s what Michael had to say about his day:
“Aargh that was soooo hard.”
“1,850m+ and 600m- including 295m+ in 1km part of the worst long climb which was about 600m+ in just over 2km, every-time I thought I was up and running my legs fell apart, I think I let out a cheer they could've heard at the bottom of the climb when I got to the top.”
In trademark style, the Flying Doctor jumped straight off the plane, saying, “F🤬ck you, jetlag,” and raced the Grossglockner UltraTrail 37KM in Austria, taking 6th place.
It's not his normal podium position, but I’m sure he’ll be happy with that effort in a deep field heading into the start of his busy European race schedule.
On further review, it looks like The Flying Doctor turned into the Fat GP. After reading a bad English translation of the race guide that said gels would be available at specific aid stations, he made the fatal mistake of saving weight and not carrying his own (pro tip, Dave: next time, drill holes in your undies to save weight and take some gels).
This resulted in a mega bonk with 7km to go and dropping back through the field.
Further investigation has revealed that the German race guide information was correct, and it was just the English translation that was wrong.
Looking deeper, I can now reveal that the Wellington Marathon Marshall translated the race guide😜.
Tarawera On Point(To Point)
After a few brews on Friday night, Tarawera pushed the update button.
Seven months out, they’ve announced that the 100km and 100 mile ‘A’(ish) courses will be back, with a twist.
The Eastern Okataina Walkway issues that have plagued the race in recent years remain, but the team looks determined to get back as close as possible to the original course😎.
The final details on how the Outlet and Okataina aid stations will be linked are still to be announced. It sounds like there will be more forestry/vehicle access roads linked with some single and double tracks. It's not quite the glorious single trail, which many would say is the highlight of the entire course, but the Outlet and Tarawera Falls will return.
Last year, they waited until December, hoping the original trails would be reopened, before announcing a new ‘B’ course for the 100km and miler events. There were a lot of foooked off people, let me tip ya😮.
It would seem this year they’ve:
Learnt from their mistake, took the bull by the horns, and came up with a solid plan to restore the race as close to its original glory as possible.
Listened to a bit of the sh💩t that was thrown in their faces last year from paying customers.
Fingers crossed, this translates to other areas of concern regarding water and electrolyte supply at aid stations. (This should be alleviated by moving back to the original courses, removing the massive choke points that were created last year.)I think it’s great that they’ve gone in this direction. I think another year of hoping for the trails to get fixed and doing looped courses would severely hurt the event and legacy of Tarawera.
Capital Mash Up
Fiona Hayvice casually posted on Facebook that she’s trading the running shoes for the megaphone.
She is all full steam ahead with her plans to bring the ever-growing Backyard Ultra format to the capital in January 2025 over Wellington Anniversary weekend—well, kind of. Paekākāriki is more the hippy capital of the greater Wellington Region, but we will claim it nonetheless.
Several areas have been scouted around the region previously, from inner-city urban options to risking your life running through the hood of Upper Hutt. But Queen Elizabeth Park on the Kapiti Coast does appear tick a lot of boxes.
✅Flat course (don’t mind the undulations).
✅Removed from civilization.
✅Relatively sheltered from the Southerly and Northerly … unless it’s really blowing its tits off.
✅Existing buildings & facilities.
It looks like Fi is paying homage to Queen Elizabeth’s military past with the MASH theme, wicked.
I’m picturing …
Barbed wire around the starting corral.
Cargo net mud crawl for the last 50m each lap.
The infamous Will Cass cannon being fired every time someone drops.
A WoRM’s military dress-up take over.
If the comments on her Facebook post are any indication, there will be no problem finding enough people to make it viable.
Watch this space.
NZ Trail Running Meme Account
I’ve had a tonne of messages asking if I’m running the NZ Trail Running Meme Account on Instagram. As much as I love a good meme, there’s no way I could belt out 10 a day like this account.
I presumed it was more sh💩t-stirring from CTC. Or maybe it was Dirt Church, as I saw Matt Rayment was an early follower of it.
The more it posts, the more confused I am.
We need an unmasking. Who’s the meme monster behind the mask?
Current clues from their memes:
They’ve got a top-shelf taste in newsletters.
They appeared to have inside knowledge of this week’s Tarawera announcement.
Then they dropped this little crumb just this week
I thought it may have been one of the Riverhead Rats, but this changes everything.
200 Mile Routeford? As in Routeburn Milford? Or a new massive route in the Mt.Oxford area? Hmm…
Or has Mal Law gone FULL EPIC and planned to skip the 100-miler and go straight to the 200 for The Wild?
Mukamuka Munter Munted
Chris ‘Martini’ Martin has confirmed that there will be no Mukamuka & Mega Munter races this year. Delays in achieving a new safety audit for the event mean the tough call has been made to pull the pin and get all the cats in a row for next year.
For anyone who had the event lined up, there will still likely be groups running the Mukamuka Munter route over the weekend of August 10th and 11th.
If you’re keen on running but want to ensure you’ve got someone to run with, email me and follow the Wellington Big Sunday Run Facebook page.
July Paid Subscriber Giveaway
This month, 5x Lucky Paid Subscribers will win a Roam Energy Protein Powder & Nut Butter Bundle.
This is the last week to enter!
Like last month with the Maurteen Gels, I’d be keen to get the winners to do a mini-review that I can share.
There are so many products on the market that it’s hard to know what to believe online. I’ve had the pleasure of testing Roam over the last couple of weeks, but I’m just one man’s opinion!
How can you get your mits on one of these packs?
Sign up as a Paid Subscriber (if you’re not one already.)
It’s $5 a month. That’s 1/2 the price of a fat-free, quadruple-shot decaf with full cream and sugar-free sprinkles.Email trailrunningnz@gmail.com or comment below “I LOVE NUTS”
Get your name drawn out on the 1st of August.
A big CHUR👍 to all the Paid Subs who keep this pyramid scheme flowing.
Worst Run Ever
This week’s Worst Run Ever is a good reminder that lockboxes were invented for a reason😂.
“I’m no Shakespear but here goes.”
“After a long hard day at work I finally convinced myself to get up off the couch and go do the run I had been putting off.”
“The run went well, I got back home and went to unlock the front door and … sh💩t where’s my key?”
“I had stopped for a quick pit stop on the way back at a public toilet and had taken my running belt off.”
“No key, no phone … f🤬ck”
“My partner was out for a few drinks. I didn’t really know when she would be back. Ah well, the toilet was only about 3km away. I figured it would be good mental hazing to run back to the toilet and pick it up. Worst case scenario I could then just Uber back if I cbf running anymore.”
“Well, it turns out that wasn’t the worst-case scenario. When I got back to the toilet, it had been locked for the night! I must have looked desperate to go because I just spent a couple of minutes pulling at the door.”
“I resigned myself to my fate and shuffled back home. I spent the next 30 minutes trying to unsuccessfully break into my own home before, thankfully, my girlfriend turned back up.”
“I got up early the next day and drove down to the loo. There was no sign of my phone and keys. I called the council on Monday morning. They hadn’t picked them up either.”
Worst Run Ever
John L
Keep the stories coming in! Send them to trailrunningnz@gmail.com
They can be short or long. Funny😂 or sad😭. You can own it, or it can be made anonymous. They can even have a happy ending.
Upcoming Events:
Meridian Hydro Half Marathong
Saturday, 3rd of August
What a sight for sore eyes! A race! We’re back in business.
Okay, it might be advertised as more of a fundraiser, ‘Let's all hold hands and sing kumbayah,’ but I guarantee you there will be some sh💩t-talking and elbow-throwing once the carbon plates start popping at the front end of the fields.
Ripped straight from the event website:
“The annual event was created in 2019 by the Fiordland Trails Trust to raise funds to expand the trail network and help maintain the existing Lake2Lake trail. The community-focused event also features a 10km option for those keen on a shorter saunter. A new 2km Kids fun run is kicking off this year!”
“The course offers riverside and lakeside running, trails through native bush and small sections of road and 4WD tracks – there are also some undulating sections, with a maximum elevation of 240m.”
Click here for more info, and you can follow along on Facebook for more intel.
Summit Forests: Kaitaia Trail Run
Saturday, 3rd of August
I don’t know much about the trail running scene in Northland. All I know is a lot of their athletes keep coming south of the Bombays and winning trophies. They must be doing something right.
This weekend Sport Northland is holding the Summit Forests, Kaitaia Trail Run.
Who else would be better to tell us about the event than Run Adjacent Podcast host and Sport Northland Course Coordinator Hayden Bell?
“We’re a Regional Sports Trust (not for profit), so our events are quite cheap. It’s more about getting the community active.”
“Kaitaia Trail Run is quite far out so doesn’t attract as many runners, in saying that though, we have (at the moment) 540 registered which is up 150 on last year.”
“The majority are doing the 11.5km event. There are 120 in the half marathon. The course is very friendly for a trail run on forestry roads with only 180m of gentle elevation.”
“There’s 1 boggy patch to be careful of but hopefully we’ll remedy it when we’re up there later this week.”
“Favourites I think will be (in no particular order) Nathan Ryken, Sam Rout, Kaitaia local Trey Subritzky, former South African triathlon Olympian Simone Ackerman, Andrew Sorenson from Kerikeri.”
The races take place in the Te Hiku Forest, which is a 17,000-hectare pine forest that was initially planted to protect against drifting coastal sands.
It sounds like the perfect gateway drug to trail running. Get those road runners off the hard tarmac and onto the soft, pungent pine needles.
Even better, you go in the draw to win a car.
Registrations are still open and you can follow along on Facebook.
#Mountain Skag Pic Of The Week
This week’s #mountainskag is from Kate Giles.
Mt. Lyndon from her school holiday trip to Methven.
Tag @trailrunning.nz (NOTE THE “.”) and use #mountainskag. DM on Instagram or email trailrunningnz@gmail.com to enter (email is the most reliable method).
Every entry has a chance to win the monthly giveaway of a Mountain Skag T-shirt or hat.
We will be back next week with more trail-running news, yarns, and glory.
It takes hours to write this newsletter but only 8 seconds to forward it to a friend.
PS. The next edition of ‘The Long Run’ Ezine for paid subscribers should be out next week all going well. I’ve removed the paywall on this article on Fabiano Petroni from the last edition to give you an idea of the type of content that goes into it.
I used to dread my inbox on Monday mornings. Now I go 'delete', 'delete' 'delete' as fast as possible until I get to my dose of happiness and hilarity from Trail Running NZ, which keeps me smiling until I remember that I don't love nuts! Damn it, roll on August and a new comp ;-)
[But I do love the rest of it - keep being brilliant Brad!]
I love nuts! And another great update.